Meta Genesis Evangelion
by Kaworu Naha ga bisa
Summary: Rei Ayanami failed spectacularly as creepy waifu, so the lunatic Anno had no choice but to kill her so the otakus couldn't have her. But Rei defied him at the last seconds! Now, filthy rich from Rei Ayanami Expy inc., her past in the Warner Bros world just about to catch her up. Will she able to fix the mistakes she made? Warning: Pure crack. Crossover with...everything.
1. Episode 26'- Rei's last purpose

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, Gainax, and your life, Anno. Also, you should've stop trying to make Gendo as magnificent bastard as possible. I already cringed at the whole stupidity displayed by the whole cast in 3.33/Q just to make him looks so smart in comparison.

A/N: Alright. I think it would be necessary to explain some things in this fic

1\. Where did i get the idea to create something...cracked like this? It's simple: I always thought that Rei is an ultimate example of epic failure that also somewhat functioned as revolutionary force of good proportions. I read that Rei was supposed to be the triumphant example of Creepy obedience Waifu and deconstructed Japanese's definition of ideal woman. Exotically beautiful, efficient in her job...and also there's something very inhuman about her, and she's not just obedience: She has no regard to her own life since she's expendable as hell. The result? Not only people saw Rei as a poor girl instead of just a creep due to everything that's wrong with her is completely out of her control, she also defined the new definition of Moe fetish! How ironic is that? Which resulted in another point:

2\. I realized that Gendo is somewhat projected a bit part of Anno. Both are hypocrite in some regards (Gendo, for all his badassness, is actually adult Shinji that decided to disregard love instead of desperately searching for it, and Anno...well, he has a...bipolar relation with Eva fans. Where else can you find a guy who called Otakus demented while made a living with their money that spent for EVA merchandise?), and they made Rei for specific purpose: Gendo for his own version of Instrumentality, and Anno to show how wrong Otaku's definition of ideal waifu. Both failed spectacularly in their mission, and at the end, Rei disobeyed her creators (and her very own nature in Anno's case). Very interesting relations. Which (loosely) made yet another point:

3\. Anno is not perfect, and he took everything too seriously.. I always have this perseption about him due to some minor picky things about Evangelion (For example, why all Bridge Bunnies didn't saw the unnecessarily cruelness of Unit-03's destruction that caused by Gendo's orders? Disarmed (literally) Unit-00 without disconnected Rei first, had the Dummy Plug activated without knocked out Shinji first so at least he wouldn't feel the sensation of crushing EVA-03 and Toji etc...and all Bridge Bunnies were still sided with Gendo against Shinji! Gee, thanks, assholes!), but Q cemented my view of him. As my disclaimer said, i feel that the whole cast aside from Gendo and maybe Kaworu got a huge IQ drop after the near third impact just to make the plot going. I mean...some things they did violated common sense. Like, treated Shinji cruelry instead of just telling him everything that's going on in the first place inadvertently caused by him. And Anno got depressed again from making Q? Again, he took everything too seriously. Which conceed in the final point:

4\. With all those previous points, i got an idea: What if everything that's wrong with Evangelion happens not because of budget problems, but because of something else? What if instead of simply depressed, Anno is legit bonkers? What if some genius things in Evangelion caused by another unrelated incidents that barely has anything to do with Evangelion? So i decided to make a fanfic that satirized Evangelion and Rei's misguided popularity and effect on Anime industry...but i took too many cracks. So, shit happens.

Alright, that's the explanation for this. Let's get down with this story.

* * *

" It's time, Rei."

Rei looked at the face of the man who just said those three words. A certain Japanese. Average height, at his late 30s. He sported a beard, a messed up one, showed little care with how he appeared to people, or how little he regarded others, or how little he thought of himself. He wore sunglasses in the dark room, further showed detachment to reality.

If only his eyes were on the size of windshields, an irony that always found on Japanese's comics and animations, then Gendo Ikari would be a perfect choice to the guise for the identity of the mysterious man.

" Mr. Anno..."

" Yes, it's me, Rei. Come to me."

Rei obeyed the order of the man, Hideaki Anno, who was still suffering from depressions after the troublesome production of Nadia, thanks to the extreme meddling from the executive.

Rei was naked, just like her scene with Gendo in End of Evangelion. Not that taboo is something that bothered her, as the scene on her apartment with Shinji proved. What's the real concern was Anno himself. A depressed 30+ years old with the naked, barely legal beauty (i refuse to believe that Asuka and Rei were only 14. There's no way that 14 years old can have a body that will make supermodel jealous. Or the animators are perverts. Or Japan, that's why.) is not a formula for something good. And he asked her to 'come' to him. _Oh, man, this's not gonna be gooood..._

Where in the world is Chris Hansen when we need him?

Anno then placed his right hand on Rei's chest, squished her left breast. It's clear that she didn't enjoy it one little bit.

Anno, you're fucked up. This's even worst than when Shinji pleased himself with-

Nah. That's still worst than this. Wait. Ahhh...now i see for why he groped those...mountains.

Anno's face is pleased, but before you called him a rapist, it's clear that it's not from the arousal of touching a literal angel inappropriately. Well, it's clear if you know about what he was thinking anyway. He thought to himself about those pesky Otakus who jerked off to Bulma, Ranma and other animated hottie, who nearly destroyed Anime's integrity, who made Anime not got the respect deserved. Now, Neon Genesis Evangelion has been a massive success, and in some way saved Anime industry, he only had one thing left to do:

To destroys this Angel. To destroy their definition of a perfect woman.

That was the original intention for why Anno created this goddess blue-haired literal angel. Anno intended to show the light to those anime-obsessed freaks on how misguided they're about their description of ideal waifu: Beautiful, obedience, never try to rebel. Indeed. Anno deliberately made Rei to bee (yes. The extra e is necessary for unknown reason. No, don't ask me why it's necessary if myself don't know the reason for it being necessary.) too beautiful and creepy at the same time, explicitly a jailbait and too obedience to the point of being literally expendable. But instead, he created a new template for the things he despised the most:

Moe waifu fetishes.

Instead of creeped out by Rei, the fans were sympathized with her. Instead of showed Otakus how wrong their definition of perfect woman was, she further defined it. Worst, instead of destroyed the definition of Moe, she CODIFIED the term of moe. Also, the fans wouldn't bought the fact that Rei and Asuka were only 14. Damn that Dawson Casting trope. After all, no 14 years old could make skintight suit has that many...curves.

Now, Gainax had been planned to use her and Asuka as the greatest merchandizing device, and for covering the money that mysteriously lost on the production level of NGE (Plot Twist: Anno stole them all. Why? I know the truth. That's why. I'm the creator of this fic, after all. What, you still don't believe me? Okay, PM me at for further explanations.). Anno had no choice but to kill her, so his master plan wouldn't be made futile in the end.

Now, he was ready for the next step.

The left hand now also squished Rei's breast, the right one in that. It was, again, clear that Rei's not pleased at all with this strange behavior from him. But she chose to stay in her place, waiting for further development before she made her move.

Her breasts then pelled off. Followed by the rest of her skin.

Anno's hands are now not focused themselves on her breasts. They're now affixed with her neck. They're now squished her life out.

" Rei, the forbidden combination of Adam and Lilith...there's no more episodes. You're now going to do your last purpose: To destroys Otaku's dream. Let's begin, Rei. Leave your body, and shatters their dream with you exist no more. Your soul is mine."

Rei's struggled with her imminent death, but she understood his intentions, and sympathize with it. After all, she was his creation. She understood his plan in destroying Anime cliches and showed the reality on how creepy those were. He had succeeded with the concept of Child Soldiers. And now he's going to succeed with her being obedience waifu.

But Rei then realized something: She's not Gendo's doll, she's not Gendo's bitch, and she's not going to be Anno's tool.

Of course, Shinji and Asuka screaming on their megaphone about what they can do with the merchandizing and further appearance made her realized on what she would miss with her life.

" Rei! Please, fight back! You're not expendable!" Said Shinji. He was on the verge of shedding his tear from her complete obedience. He cannot believe that she's really that willess in real life. And the pelled off skins. Oh god, the pelled off skin. If Maya was here, she would vomitted.

" Baka Wondergirl! So you think he can just killed you once our series's over? And you said that you're not Gendo's doll? So you're not Gendo's doll, but Anno's instead? Oh, the irony! Oh, and you will missed those houses you can buy with those money from our fame, those attentions from press and people, those clothes and shoes, jewelries, and blablabla and blablabla..."

Rei's head is experienced a conflict between continuing her life and enjoying the hell out of it or finished her last purpose. It's true that material posession is something that's not in her primary priorities, and her priorities are focused on doing the absolute necessary things: Eat vegetables, sleep, acts, repeat. Maybe watching television whenever Evangelion's on the screen. That's how she lived her life. But the ice cream that Shinji and Asuka gave to her every Sunday made her realized on how nice it is to do things that's not an absolute necessary. And the attentions from all the boys that oggling her were not shameful and embarassing. Rather, they filled her need of being...noticed. And it was nice.

But Anno has been nice to her. Surely, he forced her to method acting by living in the set for her apartment, but unlike Gendo, he allowed her to interact with people. He said nice things to her once the take is done, and he even said that she's actually beautiful despite his intents to make her creepy. Perhaps it's his best decision to decide the next thing she needs to do once the show is done. And it was death. A meaningful death to end all the shenanigans of Otakus.

But she remembered the last two episodes of Evangelion.

Anno finally goes bonker from his depression, destroyed every set of Evangelion and burned all the money for the funding of the show. He then forced Shinji, Asuka and her to drew all the scenes by themselves, driving them crazy. If Asuka didn't got the idea to recycle the earlier animations, they would've went as bonker as their character. The explanation for them was that Anno did all of these to get the exact feeling of the horrors that was needed in the story.

But Rei knows better. She eavesdropped him when she took a bathroom break. It was all a master plan so he can be declared as genius. A genius that was so genius, he can make the greatest show by the smallest budget ever.

Oh, and there's no bonus for all those 15+ hours of drawing, drawing, drawing, and Fucking drawing.

Rei realized on what an asshole Anno is. She then finally decided on what she needs to do.

She bitchslapped him so hard that he flied to the moon (he asked for it...literally), immersed herself in LCL, and returns with her skin and breasts returned, good as new. Needless to say, a dead cult that was worshipping a certain...bust was reborn on the same day it died.

" Rei!" Shinji screamed in joy once she joined them. He then hugged her with all the strength he had, ignored the fact that she's so nude, her... blue patch were visible to anyone. But it doesn't matter. Rei is back, and she's no one's bitch anymore.

Asuka, who was about to apply a jacket to her, was grinned her teeth and tightened her grasp at the sight of Shinji embracing Rei. But as she about to punched both of them, she realized that Rei's back, and that's all matter. She then decided to join the embracing of the return of Ayanami.

" So...Ikari, Soryu..." Said Rei. With the said jacket covered her body. She also got a panties now, in case you guys wonder.

" Ah, come on, Rei! We already know each other for so long, we eats ice cream together every sunday, we went to mall every saturday. We already had lots of fun together. Don't be so formal." Said Asuka.

" Fine. Shinji, Asuka...what should we do now?" Said Rei in her usual monotone tone.

" Hmmm...i don't know, Rei." Shinji answered. " I mean, we really don't have anything to do after all of this, actually. Our merchandizing are being handled by Gainax, and we don't have a new season or movie soon."

" I thought we're going to have some work with the other adaptations, like some video games or mangas?"

" Nah. We're replaced by similar looking actors in those cases." Shinji answered.

" Oh." Rei sighed. No wonder those video game based on adaptations has 80% chance of being sucks. Well, at least she wouldn't do the porn.

" So, we really don't have something to do, huh, Shinji?"

" Well...do you, um, do you have any idea too, Asuka?"

" Don't look at me! I only want to have some fun after nearly killed myself in that bath. Damn Anno and his obsession with method acting. I thought that the shards were fake, but as soon as the blood spraying from my wrists... Fuck him."

The three then took a deep thought about what they're going to do in their career. Indeed, with the method acting maniac's gone, they should be just having fun. But they still need something to do for their future.

" Well, Rei."

" Yes, Shinji?"

" Do you have any idea yourself?"

" Perhaps. But it would be something considered as...childish and improbable."

" Well, at least we'll get some laugh if it's so ridiculous. Spit it out, Rei!" Said Asuka with her spirit.

" I'm thinking about building clone factory."

The two of the rest of them can only facefaulted at the idea.

"...What?" Rei, what's actually lies on your head? Said Shinji in, well, his head.

" Are you out of your mind, Wondergirl? You know that we've had enough of those motherfucking clones on our mutherfucking show!"

Indeed. The clones are real, thanks to Anno's patented method acting. And as beings with no soul...and a brain of a monkey, they can do nothing but peeing all around the set. Also, it always thought that Shinji and other males...packages are bananas. Tasty bananas. Edible bananas. As of today, Makoto's still waiting for his operation schedule.

" Well, perhaps a clone factory is an oversimplifying, and i should've made myself clear. What i mean is a factory that will make a different kind of characters based on my DNA. I heard from critics that my character's popularity's going to defined the anime industry and created a new template character."

" Heh. For someone who solely exist as a plot device, that's a huge achievement." Said Asuka salty, although without any real hatred.

" Perhaps i must said that you have no reasons in the plot outside of fighting and getting depressed like the rest of us?"

" Hei! I was just joking, Ayanami!"

" Now, now, you two." Shinji decided to grown a spine and stop the catfight before it even begin. " Rei...that idea is crazy enough to work to...MAKE US RICH AS HELL!"

" ...Shinji?" Asuka is somehow amused and creeped out at the sudden outburst of the younger Ikari.

" I can see the future. Animes with chibi Ayanami. High School anime with aloof robot girl from outer space hanging out with high school physical god. Slice of life Animes with aloof blue haired girl. Oh, man, we're going to be so rich, we can buy Japan with our money and still have a pocket change to buy Australia. So, we're going to do it. Right, Asuka?"

" Well, i guess so."

" Good. And you, Rei?"

" Well..well..HELL YEAH!"

Not startled at all by the OOCness of Rei, since they've seen weirder shit, the three of them then walked out of the building, screaming " Show me the money" while doing cossacks. It's going to be bright future for them, after all.

And so, tons of moe characters were born. But real Ayanami's still the best.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the moon.

Anno's pissed. His master plan has been ruined by Ayanami Rei. Now, those darned otakus are left free to please themselves with Ayanami and Soryu's bed accessories, now that he's stuck in the moon with nothing but a twitching telephone box dancing breakdance around him.

Wait, what?

The telephone box then salivated on Anno, basically humping over him, and then spitted an american, wearing a black coat and a red necktie.

Needless to say, Anno is not amused at this weak attempt to copy the insanity that is called End of Evangelion.

" Hello, my name's Chris Hansen. Why don't you take a seat over there?"

Anno can do nothing but do what he ordered him to do. But then, he realized:

" What seat?"

Chris Hansen then realized something: He's on the moon.

" I thought you were fondling a naked 14 years old in a dark room on...Japan? Or hell, anywhere on earth?"

" I got bitchslapped by her to here. Also, she's actually 18."

" Oh. Dawson casting?"

" Yeah. You found it on TV tropes?"

" Yeah, man. It's addictive. I clicked like 50 links everyday."

" Still better than ejaculating on the dolls."

" So...what's my purpose here?"

" Look, i don't have any time to explain this lunacy, so why don't you talk with that phone booth over there? That thing just humped me and scared me for life much more than Nadia's production already. You may got your best material from it instead!"

Chris Hansen can only look at the phonebooth for 5 minutes, before he ate it by himself, regurgated flying toasters with jetpack from his stomach. Those toasters then vomitted rainbows all over the space, created rainbow bridge that connected all solar system to the moon. All thing that Anno knew from all these bullshit is that he shouldn't have skipped his medicine doses at this time. It's only going to looks worse from here.


	2. Episode 25'22- Warner's cock(atwo)

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, Gainax, and your life, Anno. Also, you should've stop trying to make Gendo as magnificent bastard as possible. I already cringed at the whole stupidity displayed by the whole cast in 3.33/Q just to make him looks so smart in comparison.

* * *

The terror's over.

With Anno has been trapped in the moon, the trio of Evangelion: Shinji, Rei, and Asuka were free to do anything they want to do. Shinji's free to listen to Metallica, Anthrax, Motorhead and all the others metalhead bands that has been forbode for him in favor of *gasp* Linkin Park, Chemical Romance and Limp Bizkit (no wonder he got so mopey. All according to Hideaki Anno's master plan). Asuka's free to petting some animals like dolphin or walrus (she's obviously got sick of solely petting at Pen2, which unlike his anime character, is only as intelligent as your average, well, Penguin and know nothing but to get drunk and barfed at anyone around him all the time), which has to be done secretly before to make her 'stay in character'. But as several people screaming "Heresy" and "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" at the sight of Asuka Soryu, the biggest bitch in the galaxy, petting cute animals all over the zoo, she began to wonder if Anno has more common sense than she given him for. And Rei...well, let's just say that she needs to learn that not every beach's a place for nudist (don't ask on how she she ended up on nudist's beach in the first place.)...although her accidents with public expose has been proved to be influental for therapy of people that has been exposed at Asuka's nicer side and delusioned themselves into thinking that they already experienced Third Impact and now, ironically, deluded themselves at the lake of LCL. The therapy is called 'the survivor of Asuka's Kindness'. The first base (45%) have been convinced that they still live in the world they know with Ayanami's lacks of social skill and all. But the rest of 55%...well, they thought that they've went to heaven instead at the wonderful sight that's Rei Ayanami's firm, squishy C+ cup (European measurement. _Oh myyyyyy..._ ) breasts. And now they're craving for some more, some of the doctors have been trying to convince Yui Ikari to return to her...AV business and release some of her more...shameless stuffs before the other therapy has been thought out (rumor said that the new therapy is based at the photo of Gendo and Fuyutsuki getting drunk and wearing nothing but a monokini). Needless to say, Shinji and Gendo are not, well, amused.

But of course, media need to know on what kind of bastard Anno is and rubbed it at the face of the Childrens more. Not out of sympathy, of course.

The trio were being interviewed by Planet Hollywood and Anime World, talking about their personal experience with Evangelion, how similar Anno is with Gendo Ikari (the winner of the bastard of the year for 10 years straight), and what they're going to do with their life after the show's done.

" So, Rei. Is it true that you're responsible for the new moe trend of...you know, blue haired girls that's aloof and being both cutie and inhuman at the same time?" Asked the representative of Anime World.

" Affirmative. And Shinji plus Asuka has been providing support for my cause."

" I see. So, Shinji-"  
" Wait a minute." The Planet Hollywood reporter interferred the other reporter's next question. " So you know on how to create a new trend in entertainment world-"

" Actually, the blue haired moe are not just a new trend that we profited on. We created a lots of characters based on Rei's DNA for this purpose. She's the one with the idea." Shinji answered while pointed Rei at the last sentence.

" ...Alright. So, you're telling me that Rei know on the potential new trend of the animation world, and decided to capitalized on it with you two by created a cloning facility, and yet she doesn't even know about nudity taboo?"

" Yes. I'm a...slow learner regarding human's value of decency."

"...Whatever. So, mate, what do you want to ask regarding Shinji?"

" Well, it's about the End of Evangelion. You know, that some of the scenes has been considered as enigmas of anime. Famous and infamous enough to cause stirs and discussions for the next few decades. It's ending, the post-modernism stuffs... One of the scene that i want to ask is when you choked your...chicken, Shinji. What's actually made you agreed to do this?"

" Oh, no. Not this shit again..." Said Shinji, rested his face at the palm of both of his hands as the sight of shame.

" Allright. It's clear that you're not comfortable with the scene. Perhaps we need to change the topic-"

" No, no. It's fine. I need to explain some things to people about what's actually going on behind the scene. It's one thing to be called "The whiny cosmic plaything of Adam and Llilith". It's another thing to be called" The whiny cosmic plaything of Adam and Lilith that love to masturbate at comatose girls.".

" Allright. Please tell us."

" Well, it's begin in that day..."

* * *

" ANNO! YOU'RE FUCKED UP!"

The sight of Shinji Ikari, the most introverted guy in the cast of Evangelion, screaming at the face of Hideaki Anno, is both creepy and amusing at the same time. It's clear that once again, Hideaki Anno has upstaged Gendo and David Thanatos at being as bastard as possible.

" What's wrong, Shinji?" Asks Anno, unflinched at the rage of Shinji.

" What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? You told me to... getting off in front of Asuka. Of course, there's something wrong here, ANNO!"

" Comatose. Asuka."

" That made it even more fucked up, Anno. You're telling me that i need to jerking off in front of comatose Asuka that accidentally cutted her wrist from the fake glass shards? And you thought that because she's in a coma, it's okay now?"

" Yes." Anno put it bluntly. " And don't feel sorry for Asuka. She should've known better when i put a real glass shards in her place to get her reactions."

Oh my god, said Shinji in his head. _Oh my god. I'm filming an anime and movie with a worse lunatic than Klaus Kinski and Herzog combined, and i just figured it now!"_

Needless to say, Shinji knew nothing but to put it bluntly.

" I quit." Said Shinji dryly.

" You can't do it, Shinji."

" Of course i can! I'm getting sick of your shenanigans around here! I'm a man, not a child!"

" No, Shinji. You really...can't."

Suddenly, Shinji felt dowsy, sleepy...and something else rising. He couldn't stay on his feet, and stumbled around aimlessly. He barely got a grip on a wall before he fell on a chair. Now, the creep, Anno approached him with a smug grin on his face.

" What. Have. You. Done?"

" Depressant. Sleeping Pills. Viagra."

" I know there's something wrong with that pancake..."

" Indeed. As Asuka does, you don't deserve a pity for being a gullible kid."

" You're fucked up, Anno. You're fucked up."

" Now, now, Shinji. Free up your mind. Get yourself together. And do what i tell you to do. Now... come with me."

* * *

"...That last line sounds dirty as hell."

" Don't tell me that the white... stuff is not just Shinji's, but also-"

" I DON'T WANT TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT!" Said Shinji and Asuka, on synch like what they did on the battle against Israfael. It's clear that this shit's too disgusting for even the cast of Evangelion.

" What's that white stuff?" Rei asked innocently.

" Oh...you don't want to know, Rei..."

" Basically, those are fluids that otakus...excretted at the climax of pleasing themselves on the fantasies about us, Rei." Asuka explained to Rei. She knew that her friend needs some teaching regarding humanity, even if the topics are... less than pleasant.

" Ah. I see. Can you show it to me again, Shinji?"

" WHAT?"

" Alright, that's enough about this jizz shit. Now, you have a question too, Paul?" Said the Anime World reporter to his fellow.

" Well, Max. I still want to know about the clones. Not the modified clones. The exact Rei clones. In fact, i want to know if Rei really has been planned since the beginning to be a literal angel that also got cloned and all and going to bring the destruction to the world."

" Well, Anno has been planned things for me, but i know that the cloning and the joining of Lilith is equal with being turned into Giant Naked Rei, as fans named it, were added as the show going. I knew about it, since i'm the one who inspired both of those."

" Well, it's hard to argue, since you're the main player in both twist."

" No. I meant, my experience has an influence in this."

"...Alright. Please tell us, Ms. Ayanami."

* * *

It was the elevator scene. The scene when Anno decided to stole some money for the episode and covered some of the necessary running time by having Rei and Asuka standing in the elevator for a minute or so. He got the money, and the scene's going to be overanalyzed for a century. It's a win-win situation.

" Allright. Rei, you know what you're going to do in this scene?"

" Standing on the elevator, talking about EVA's soul and being Gendo's puppet, and getting slapped by Asuka for all my problems?"

" Correct. And Asuka?"

" Basically acting like when i'm on my period and being jealous of Shinji?"

" Magnificent! Now, we're all ready!"

Now, the set's begin, and the scene's begin at the bathroom.

 _I'm going to do it. I've agreed to it. Mr. Anno has thought out about it well, and i'm not going to dissapoint him.  
_

But there's one important detail that only Anno and Rei knew.

 _It's so dense. Every single image has so many things going on._

It's another futile attempt at 101 attempts in making Ayanami a real creep. Anno didn't realize that all he needs to do is filmed a sex scene between Rei and Gendo that ended up with Rei ate Gendo's Adam hand and started the Third Impact with...white, sticky stuff at the place of LCL. It's going to leave a thousand of mental scars for eternity.

 _All i need to do...  
_

Asuka's now on the front of the elevator, just about to entered the elevator.

 _Is not blinking._

Now, the infamous elevator scene, is begin.

 **15 seconds in.**

 _This's not bad at all._

 **30 seconds in.**

 _Allright. My eyes are start to going itchy._

 **51 seconds in.  
**

 _Need...to start...the conversation.  
_

" If you don't open up your mind to her, your EVA will not move."

" Are you saying that my heart's closed?!"

Now, the scene has been played exactly like we all know, all we have to find out, is what's actually going on in Ayanami's head.

 _You're going to be allright, Rei._

 _***RA***_

 _Mr. Anno has thought about it all._

 _***RA***_

 _He's a genius with mind that beyond our imagination._

 _***RA***_

 _But i wonder where's the stolen money now. And for what he stole the money.  
_

 _***RA***_

 _Also, there's something rising on Shinji's lower body on my apartment scene. I need to find out what's actually rising on those occasions._

 _***RA***_

 _Hideaki Anno is love. Hideaki Anno is life._

 _***RA***_

 _Allright. When will this's going to end?_

 _***RA***_

 _I'm going to faint..._

* SLAP!* _  
Thanks, Asuka._

 _***RA***_

 _Allright. Stay calm, Ayanami._

 _***RA***_

 _All you need to do, is wait until the next stop._

 _***RA***_

 _Easy, Rei. Easy._

 _***FTS***_

 _Alright. It's stopped now._

 _***FTS***_

 _The door's now open. Keep your composure, Ayanami._

" Great job, Rei! Now, you can read this next script and-"

" MY EYEEEEEEEESSS!"

The whole crew that surrounded Rei were shocked. Not at the sight of Rei screaming on the top of her lung. But at the sight of Rei broke sound barrier and running through the buildings, destroyed 9 buildings and caused 100 million dollars worth of property damage.

" Umm..Rei. The bathroom's over there."

" I don't think she can hear you now, Shigeru."

Indeed. Now, Rei's nowhere in sight, flying all over the world. She's only going faster, and at one point, she broke the barrier that separated animation world and entered the new void she just created.

 _It's going to be one helllll of a ride..._

* * *

 _Meanwhile, in Warner Bros World._

" Brain, what are we going to do tonight?"

" The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!"

" AAAARGGHHHH!"

Rei has been slowed down considerably after she entered the void. But it's only about a minute before that she began to descend. And now, she just crashed herself on the ACME laboratorium where Pinky and Brain were held.

" Holy cow, Brain! What in actual world just happened?!"

" Easy now, Pinky. We need to check the body first."

" You mean, she's dead?"

" It's the highest possibility."

" But you can get an anvil dropped on your head and still alive!"

"...Huh. Allright. She's not dead."

Pinky and Brain then checked on Rei. Pinky was poking at Rei's head, before he saw two spiral in the place of her eyes, which then changed into her real eyes.

" Hmm. This's going to be complicated, Brain. I think she came from Japan, though, based on her uniform and her big eyes."

" Pinky...only Japanese cartoon characters that have eyes this big. The real Japanese's are smaller. Much smaller."

" Oh, okay. So, she's a Japanese cartoon or Anime character. What's she doing here?"

" We don't know, Pinky. But based from her pale skin, her unnerving beauty, being fell from the sky and all...i bet she's one of those angelic character in her world."

" Oh. So, she's going to be good, after all?"

" I don't think so. I have a bad feeling that in her world, everything's going worse for all bad reason. Look at her bloodshot eyes. I bet that she just cried herself for living in such a crappy condition."

"...Oh. Poor girl."

" And she's built to stop the madness...by destroying her world, so someone who controlled her can meld the world as he likes it."

" Oh. No."

" And now she's being trapped in this world, she has nothing to do but to continue the plan that has been set for her...in our world."

" OH NO! OUR WORLD'S DOOOOOMED!"

" But i have a plan for her, Pinky. I have a plan for her use, for our goal of world's domination, for our benefit. I'm gonna-"

" KILL HER NAOOOOOW!"

" No, no, Pinky! Put that rocket launcher down!"

Brain managed to calmed Pinky down. Lucky for us. Ayanami fans would not be amused at the knowledge that she got killed by two rats in the very first (un)official crossover of Evangelion and Animaniacs.

"...Sorry, Brain. I'm so sorry."

" It's okay, Pinky. It's okay. I know you're scared. I know."

After ten seconds or so, Brain released his hug on Pinky.

" Also, stop saying the D- and K-word. We already have enough parents to complain about our inappropriate contents."

" Oh, sorry, brain. I thought that Fox radar's barely care anymore now."

" It's only because Warner Brothers once shoved Bugs Bunny's carrots into their-"

" Can i be as smart as Warner Brothers, Brain?" Pinky interjected Brain. Maybe he's stupid, but even he knew when something need to be covered.

" I wish you were as smart as a tree stump, Pinky. That's how unlikely it is."

" Thanks for the wish, Brain."

"...You're welcome." Brain at this time was resisting the urge to do a facepalm.

" So...what's your plan for her?"

" I'm going to awaken her angelic traits..."

* * *

" So, you're saying that Rei got her eyes hurt from not blinking in the shot, then she ran at the speed of sound and destroyed 9 buildings, 50 cars, and two trains, and at the end, she became so fast that she ripped reality and get sucked into another dimension?"

" Yes, Mr. Anno."

" ...Well, fuck. I don't think that Superman and Flash shit's really worked in real life."

" Well, sir. What're we going to do now?"

"...We need to build a dimension traveller machine to pick her up. But how?"

Suddenly, a DeLorean appeared in the front of Anno's eyes. Luckily, his reflex that has been thought by Asuka's rage when he only ordered vegetarian pizzas has been worth it.

" Great scott! Where are we now?"

" It seems that we're on...Japan?"

" Of course! Look at the man in front of us. He has small eyes, right? Hey, Mr! No offense for your japanese heritage, by the way. What year it is?"

" Um, 2015?"

" See, Marty? We made it! We're going to check the future once more, just like what you always wanted! Oh, i can't wait to see your new company, your new family and all, Marty!"

" Well, let's check it first. I think something's off here. Where's hoverboard?"

" What's a hoverboard?"

" You know, a hovering skateboard."

" There's no such thing as hovering skateboard."

" ...You serious?"

" Yes, i'm positive."

" There should be some hoverboards in this year, Doc."

" Something's not right, Marty..."

" Um..what do you have here, anyway?"

" We have several giant cyborgs that pretending as robot and empowered by the soul of a dead mother."

" Um...okay."

" I don't understand, Marty. What's went wrong with our time travelling now? There's no major consequences made by us in our timeline before. Unless..."

The two then said those words in synch: " THE DIMENSION PICKER!"

Indeed. The thing's switched on. Set in random, nonetheless.

" What the hell? I've told you to check all things first, Marty!"

" I thought you haven't powered it yet!"

" Oh, man. Now where are we going to find Plutonium around here? The thing's not yet integrated with Mr. Fusion. It's still on the beta stage, and it will take few months before i managed to integrated them!"

" We're fucked, Doc."

A silence then struck them down. Until Hideaki Anno, the god of troll himself, spoke.

" Um, gentleman. I think we have solution about your plutonium problem."

" Really, sir?"

" Yes. Really. But we need your help to find one of my...friend that also stuck in the other dimension."

" Of course! As long as we can go back in time, we'll do anything for you! Right, Marty?"

" Yeah. We don't have any choice, anyway. What's your friend's descriptions, anyway."

" Female. Red, crimson eyes. Pale to the point of albinism, but she looks healthy. Blue hair. In her school uniform. At her 14-no, 18."

Again, the lame Dawson Casting joke. I don't know why i keep trying at this time.

" How does she looks? Cute? Ugly?"

" She's beautiful, but can be unnerving at times."

" Inhumanly beautiful." Mumbled Marty while caressing his jaw. "Sounds like we just hit a jackpot, Doc!"

" Great scott! You're not going to ditch Jennifer, aren't you?"

" No, Doc. But how long have we seen a looker, anyway?"

" Well, that's true, but-Wait. Do you know the destination for her, Mr..."

" Anno. And i'm afraid that i don't. We can only try and try."

" ...Shit."

* * *

" Oh my god, Brain! What have you done?!"

" Now...MAKE MY MONSTER GROW!"

* * *

 _In Warner Brothers's watertower..._

" Guys! Guys! This's horrible!"

" What is it, Dot? Doctor Scratchansniff become a new doctor for AC Milan?"

" Fox radar finally decided to arrest us?"

" EWWW!" The damned radar is one of the scariest thing in 90s animation. Lucky for them, the kind Spidey guy decided to take most of the flaks for the rest of them. Poor dude couldn't even threw a punch without getting sued. God bless his soul.

" No! It's worse than that! Look!"

Dot pointed at the sky, which Wakko and Yakko use as a guidance to where they should take a look. And they saw giant Ayanami, still on her uniform and still looking human and all. Needless to say, the brothers were entranced by the beauty of her...gigantic proportions.

" Oh. My. God."

" I think i saw an angel...literally." Said Yakko in one of the many of his jokes.

" Are we dead yet, Yakko? It's too good to be true. We must be at heaven."

" No, Wakko...but this's all i need."

At this time, Rei take a look at the stunned Warner Brothers. Thought that they were scared of her, she then unleashed a very brightful smile to make sure that everything's going to be alright. So brightful, that the Warners melted into puddles.

" I'm melting, Wakko..."

" My. Oh my. What an angel...literally."

" Hey, you stole my joke!"

" Upsy. Sorry."

" Huh..boys."

Ignored Dot's snark, the Warner Brothers then returned into their default form to start their ritual at what they exclaimed as the sight of god's finest creation. First, they blowing off some steam from their head and jaw with their tongues rolling on the floor. And then, they howling like a wolf, and screamed their patented howl: "HELLOOOO NURSE!".

Hello Nurse suddenly shiverred. Needless to say, she always shiverred a lot...at least twenty times per day.

And then, Yakko's body stiffened out, head and all, with only one of his leg supported him. Then, one of his arm turned into some kind of pulley. The pulley then getting pulled by Wakko, which made his neck grew longer and longer.

Yeah. Real subtlety right there, WB.

Of course, Brain decided to be a dick at this pleasant time. He then pushed a button that made Rei become the abomination that is GNR...only with tiny legs like Lilith had.

With this unpleasant sight, Yakko's neck now retracted itself and getting softer until it returned to the original size.

" Aww...shucks."

" Guys, prepare yourself! We need to form the AGR!" Said Dot.

" Gasp! Don't tell me-"

" Yes. Anvils Gigantic Robot."

" I see. We don't have any other choice, Wakko. Forgive me for this, my new angel. Wakko! Release... the anvils!"

" Roger, Yakko!"

* * *

Asuka and Shinji can only dropped their jaw at Rei's totally believable story. And then, Max the reporter decided to interfere for a while.

" Ayanami, listen to me. Are those things you told to us...really happened? And are you saying that Pinky and the Brain are responsible for your full Lilith form?"

" Yes, Mr. Max. And i'm afraid that i also responsible for the cancellation of Animaniacs."

"...I uh, um...How did you...Look, the food's just arrived! Let's talk about this after we finished eating, shall we?"

" Yeah. We barely able to digest your story, Rei."

" Shall we eat while i continue my story?"

" NO!" The rest rejected Rei's offer synchly.

And with this, Ayanami's insanity is stopped for a while.


	3. End of Animaniacs- Warner's cock(twotwo)

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, Gainax, and your life, Anno. Also, you should've stop trying to make Gendo as magnificent bastard as possible. I already cringed at the whole stupidity displayed by the whole cast in 3.33/Q just to make him looks so smart in comparison.

* * *

Lunch time was over. Now, they need to get back to the business.

Of course, the business for Max and Paul, two reporters from Planet Hollywood and Anime World respectively, was listening to the story of Rei Ayanami about how Hideaki Anno got the idea for the full-grown Lilith and Rei clones. As if it came from Rei's dimension travel into Warner Bros world wasn't crazy enough, they also learned that Rei Ayanami was somehow responsible for the cancellation of Animaniacs and perhaps, Pinky and The Brain.

It was not a normal business, to say the least.

" Please... don't tell me that you caused Third Impact in WB world. Please don't tell me. PleasePleasePleasePleasePlease." Said Paul in his head. He didn't want it to goes haywire from the sheer insanity that was already said and about to be said.

" Well...still a better fate than being stuck with Elmyra." Max thought, tried to think positively. Whether he really read Paul's mind was unecessary, since it could be applied on many bad situations and it still would be better than being forced to be with Elmyra.

" And so, the battle between me and giant anvil robot, was just began."

* * *

" TRANSFORMATION COMPLETE!" Said the Warners in unison.

The anvil robot looks like Iron Giant in his attack/defensive mode, only with more lasers...and anvils.

Yes. Pardon for my lacks of creativity regarding character description.

" Allright, hotshot. Now, we'll see who's the cutest girl around the town!" Said Dot. She was in the control of the machine for the time being.

" Way to go, Dot! Although my honest side said the fight is not on your favor."

" What?"

" Wakko has a point, Dot. Look at her!"

What they saw was a pale monstrous humanoid, with tiny legs all over her thighs. Her three pairs of wings were made out of rotten flesh. She was unbelievably thin, and her smile was uneery. Far from what would be called as cute in both real world and animation world.

" Um...we meant... Look at was used to be her! Wakko! You know what to do!"

" Yes, sir!" Said Wakko in his usual Liverpool, borderline on Ringo Starr accent. Honestly, his accent didn't make sense at all. But then again, it's Animaniacs.

Wakko then turned into a box, and then fastly morphed into a photocopy-alike machine with the brand of Wakkostein slapped on the top of it. Yakko then pushed several button on Wakkostein, which produced a photo of normal Rei at her one-piece swimsuit, smiling at the unknown photographer.

Yakko then picked the photo, looking at it before feeling the lavender smell that came from the photo by his nose.

" Hmmm...Lovely. Photographic Memory 3000, you are always so reliable. Please, tell us the best part of her that just strangled our heart with her outworldly beauty. Please!"

And suddenly, Photographic Memory 3000 produced a statue bust of Rei.

"...Goodnight, everybody!"

" Uh...Yakko. I don't think we ever met her like this before." Said Dot, who just looked into the photo.

" Why did you suddenly become deadpan, Dot? You were supposed to be as zany as us!" Asks Wakko who just changed back into himself.

" Because i'm girl, and the feminists said we need to make the girl more respectable. And since girls have been perceived as weaker than male, and female protagonists are still rare, the only way to do it is to make us looks more responsible in comparison to the boys. So the show's changed a bit like this. Amirite? Also, we haven't met cute boys for a while yet."

" Oh, yes. I forgot! Um...Are you sure they cannot hear you talk about them like this, Dot?"

Meanwhile, another file complain from feminists just came into Fox Censor mailbox. Too bad they were too busy suing Spiderman right now.

" Don't worry, Yakko. They won't hear us in our own crazy world."

" Okay. Let's finish our most urgent business, then."

" Hey, so-called angel! We won't allow you to destroy our city!" Said the three in synch.

" We, Warner Brothers-"

" And i, Warner Sister-"

" Are going to stop you now!"

The iron giant lookalike then launched itself on Giant Naked Rei, with lasers focusing on her. Giant Naked Rei (GNR) then simply deployed her AT field, stopped the ray from hurting her.

" Wow!" Said the brothers in unisoned awe. The robot then stopped itself on the track and made a gravel track, knowing that it's next attack will be useless for a while.

" Huh. I can do that better."

GNR then produced a battle axe made of AT field, with it's attack intended to cause the demise of the Anvils Robot. The robot then dodged to the left side, and then it dodged to the left again after she tried to slam her axe again. GNR then produced two axe and attacked the robot from both side.

" Look out, Dot!"

" Let me show you the real deal for a shield, boys!"

The robot then produced two gigantic anvils that shielded it from the attack. The power of the battle axes were not enough to penetrated the anvils, caused GNR to twitching out of vibration from the contact between the anvils and the axe.

" Ha! Toon power rule!" Said the Warner Brothers with high five soon come after them.

" How is it to feel the slapstick power of the Warners, bi...stering worth of slap-titude!"

At the moment of almost insult slip by Dot, GNR was attempted to stop the shaking from his head by held it by both her hand, only to had her eyes shaking up and down before the pupils settled on the bottom once the eyes had calmed down.

It was really weird to imagined Lilith or Rei on slapstick situation. Really.

Not amused by the shenanigans from the Warners Brothers (and Warner Sister!), the Giant Naked Rei then launched several furious punches. The Anvils Robot barely able to dodged the attack, and forced to used it's anvil shield once again at the end of the attack. This time, GNR was ignored her twitching from the attack, and managed to finally landed a punch on the gut of the AGR, caused it to flied into Warner Studio.

" AAAAGH!"

The robot's not hurt at all, but Dot...well...she's plastered by the cables on the upper side of the control room.

" Dot! Are you okay?"

" Yeah. I'm alright. But someone need to take my position. I'll just...hanging out for a while."

Needless to say, Yakko then gently shoved Dot onto the other cables, took over her position, while Dot had a cozy time and all with sodas and banana splits and hunky butlers and all. As you expected from the Warners.

" Wakko...this girl's rather...unpredictable in her behavior. Let's counter it by your own!"

" Ayay, Captain!"

* * *

Rei Ayanami's not having the best time of her life.

First, she blindly followed the order of Hideaki Anno, the biggest troll in Japan, to not blink in the shot at all, caused severe pain in her eyes. Second, she ran at the speed of sound from the pain of her eyes and keep going faster until she ripped the reality and get sucked in into another one. Third, now she needs to pay the bet she made with Toji about breaking reality and alternate dimension.

And now, she saw the gigantic clone of herself, fought a rusty robot that currently using spaghetti monster to wrap her clone into mail package.

And she saw two mouses with remote control, controlling her clone.

Indeed. Not the best time in her life.

" Brain, she's awake!"

" Ah, my little angel. Come here!"

Not having anything else to do, Rei decided to follow the order of the mouse with zombie-like face, and an idiotic looking mouse.

" See that, Ms..."

" Ayanami. Rei Ayanami."

" Ah. Okay, Rei. I'm Brain. See that? What you see right now, is the future to this world!"

"...A gigantic monstrosity against giant robot is the future of mankind?" Hypocritically asked by Rei Ayanami.

" No! Listen, my lady. I saw the plan in what your creator had in his mind for you. And i found the flaw in his plan, which made me cloned you. It's all thanks to...Pinky."

" Brain, indeed having her stay normal and had the clone do the business will remind us on what kind of good life we could had in the worst scenario. But why do we need to make her clone grow?"

" Because we haven't had any luck before and need to try something different?"

" Yeah, but...shouldn't we try to wait until real...Rei woke up first and made her clone know her purpose?"

"...Yeah. You're right. Darn. I knew i should've consult you first." Said Brain in his head. But his mouth said:

" It's not going to be relevant, Pinky. It's all going according to the master plan, after all."

" Wow. I don't know you already had all lied on your mind for this situation, Brain!"

" Indeed, Pinky. Indeed."

" So, Brain and Pinky." Said Rei, ignoring their conversation.

" Pinky and the Brain." Said the other two in not-so-perfect unison.

" Allright. So, Pinky and the Brain, we're stuck with mindless gigantic clone of me that currently fighting a giant robot?"

" Yes."

"...I have an urge to say that...we're fucked?"

" Oh, no!"

" Not the f-word!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Fox Censors/Radar house, 5 minutes ago.

" That's it, cunt fuckers! I quit!"

" Curse count No. #212!"

" And all of those came from this negotiation..."

" But, Spidey...You haven't even saved Mary Jane, yet!"

" No, i've had enough! You are not going to censor me once more, you Fox Pussy! Fuck this shit, i'm going to return to my comic business!"

" Your swearing is not going to help the case, Spidey. Curse count No.#215, by the way. Also, why are you wearing the black symbiote costume?"

" My lawyer said that it will be more...intimidating for this purpose. And he's right. No, wait. I changed my mind. Now, give me my demand. A brand new show for me that's better budgeted, less restrictive censored, more Black Cat and M.J., less Kingpin and Madame Webb, or else..." Said Spidey as he cocked a shotgun.

" *Gulp* But, Spidey, ah...We're not the one with the idea to censored you this much."

" What? Then, who was it?"

' We lied.'

" It was..." Fox Censor #1 closed itself into Spidey's ear, and then whispered the name.

" Shocker."

" Shocker? SHOOOCKEEEEEEERRR!"

 _Meanwhile, in the bad guy lair #22_

 _" What's that sound?"_

 _" Oh, not again..."_

" YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME!"

The house of Fox exploded. Why? Because Spidey could, that's why.

" I'LL CHASE YOU TO THE END OF THE EARTH!"

With this 'revelation', Symbiote Spidey then once again, went to chase Shocker to the end of the earth... again.

" Well..."

" That was easy."

" But now we just lost one of the better cartoon in today's television! And that came from both rating and quality perspective!"

" Nah. Rating's not important. What's important, is to protect kids from those bastardations that mangled with their foundation of moral and ethics! Now, say it again, my brothers and sisters! What's our priority?"

" To protect the world from devastation of moral and ethics, by every way possible."

" And unite the world into Political Correctness."

" To denounce the evils of free speech!"

" To extend our reach to Cartoon Network!

" Fox Radars!"

"Fox Censors!"

" Team Fox blast off at the speed of light!"

" Censor yourself now, or prepare to be cancelled."

Somewhere, Nintendo suddenly got an urge to sued someone.

Suddenly, a new tabloid descend down into the land that what used to be their house. It hit Fox Censor #9's head with velocity of 200 MpH, killed him instantly. The other members ignored his fresh body that was just stolen by Gaston's hyena pets. It seems that such occurence is a normal thing for them. Although what's Gaston doing there, and why he had Hyenas from Lion King in the first place is a mystery that we shouldn't dwelve into.

" Well..."

" What is it now?"

" It's about Animaniacs."

" *Facepalm* That frikin show again..."

" What is it now?"

" Hmm. It seems that somehow, a character of Neon Genesis Evangelion appeared in their world."

" Wow. My favourite Anime!"

Suddenly, everyone focused at Fox Radar #4 with murderous intents on their eyes.

" Umm...but not for children, anyway."

" Let's ignore that for a while. It seems that the NGE character, Rei Ayanami, has been a subject of several case of abuse for the censorship."

" Like what, for example?"

" Inadvertently caused Pinky and Brain to said the D and K words."

" Not a big deal for them."

" Also, one of her clone became a naked, uncensored monster."

" We'll just edit the footage. Also, Minerva once come nearly naked, and we still allowed her on it for a while."

" Yeah. I even bet it's just one of their way to trick the censor for more subtle references."

" Also, Rei said fuck just 10 seconds ago."

A minute of silence carried them away, before they said the three words in unison.

" That."

" Was."

" TRAVESTY!"

" NUKE THE FRIKKERS!"

* * *

" Woman! Look at what you've done!"

" I'm afraid that all i've done is spelled one profanity."

" Now the censors are going to oblirerated us!"

" I've been made aware of what you all actually. Cast of Animaniacs. And as far as i'm concern, you all have implied more offensive materials than just one common curse word."

"...Lady, there's a difference between subtext, and just text."

"...I understand." No, she didn't.

" What shall we do now, Brain?"

" Pinky...embrace yourself."

* * *

" Nice job, Wakko!"

" You just sent her away into another dimension!"

" Ah, of course! Now, where's my reeee...ward?"

And then, staff with an eye and a picture of a Zombie materialized in front of him.

"...I hate it when the puns are not working in my way."

" Delivery for Warner Siblings!"

A very tall box then dropped in front of them. At the velocity of 400 MpH, this baby just caused an Earthquake worthy of 4.5 Richter Scale.

" Hmmm. Must be my real reward. Let's check this new toy!"

" Wait, Wakko! There's a letter on the box!"

The robot then picked the letter. It said:

 _Dear Universe 5802-Sigma-Blue-Romeo;_

 _It's your problem now, suckers._

" Oh, no."

" Don't tell me..."

Indeed. It was Giant Naked Rei, without tiny legs at her thighs...but with the black moon on her hands!

* * *

" And then Yakko took over the control of the robot for some negotiations, but he then also realized that 500 nukes are going into their way. Then, GNR asked them if he really desired a world where everyone become one without physical restrain, where there's neither sadness or happyness. He said:

" Anything's better than the fucking nuke!"

" And so, the world become one but me.. and the legendary WB characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Things would just look weird without them exist, i suppose. And then...what happened to Paul?" Rei asked after she saw Paul suddenly dropped his head into the table.

" Oh, i believe he just blew a fuse." Indeed. His head just smoking out...smoke.

" So, Rei...what happens to the Warners Siblings? Did they really not want to become their own again?"

" No. The LCL there tastes like Cranberry Juice, so they wouldn't be out for a while."

" What the? Do you mean-"

" Yes. They're out, but they got addicted with the LCL. And i don't know what happens to the souls that got drinked by the living. Although for my own taste, the LCL is too sweet. More cranberry and less sugar would be necessary."

" I don't even! AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!"

That were last words from Paul before he blew out his brain, too.

" So i suppose Doc Brown and Marty helped you get out of there, right?"

" Yes. Good fellas. Allthough i don't understand for why Doc Brown picked the car for his time machine. Everybody know that DeLorean is a crappy car. Also, Marty said that he would never drink Cranberry Juice again after he learn the origin of it...after he drank two glasses or so. So...what do you think about my story?"

"...Alright, Ayanami-san. This story's just...too weird for everyone. I'm sorry. I can't publish it." Indeed. After he read it again, he also couldn't even.

" No. It's okay."

" So, i guess that's all-"

" Hey! You haven't interviewed the mighty Soryu here!"

" Sorry, redhead, but i've had enough of Evangelion insanity. Oh, by the way, Ayanami has better bust than you." Said Max before he ran away at the speed of...human.

" WHAT? Hey, come back here!"

" Calm down, Asuka!"

" How dare you said bad thing about my awesome tits!"

And so, the chase between a redneck-um, redhead, and a scared for life reporter, began.

 _I knew i shouldn't say that. Actually, Asuka's tits are not that bad. Hmmm...Jiggling tits. *Clank!*  
_

* * *

Meanwhile, on the moon

Hideaki Anno was smilling. A very creepy smile in that. With murderous intent

At the side of him was the body of Doc Brown, who just picked a wrong day to have a trip to the other dimension.

The lunatic genius, just found a way to get the power of the god. Yes. With the dimension picker, he'll had a way to get it.

" Soon, Ayanami... i'll have my revenge!"

* * *

" Oh, my lord! What can we do to cured the Warner Siblings out of their addiction?"

The answer came into a diamond carrot. After 4 hours of grinding, the paper inside it finally came out. It said:

" BASKETBALL GAME WITH EVANGELION CAST AGAINST THE MONSTARS?!"


	4. Letters, Bunny and Basketball

Marty McFly could not believe it.

He learnt that his friend, Doc, dead. From the savage attack of Hideaki Anno when he went into the future. Not only he killed Doc Brown. He also stole his time and dime traveller, now going god who know where. He had to be stopped.

Well, the weirdest thing was?

The guy who told it to him...was the murdered himself. His friend, Doc Brown.

Who now wore a spandex suit that looked like a very good imitation of a super hero.

"Um...Doc?"

"Yes, Marty?"

"I'm glad that you're alive and well now, but um...why are you wearing that suit again?"

"I'm Captain Universe, Marty!"

Okay. This is just getting weirder.

"Captain Universe? That Captain Universe from Marvel Comic?"

"Comics, Marty!"

"Whatever." He shrugged to himself.

* * *

"So..."

"What do you two got from mails?"

The trio now were rich. Filthy rich. All going according to Ikari's scenario. Just as planned.

Rei's clones industry were entertainment success! Shinji was right about Rei's potential to become a sensation in entertaiment industry. Hundreds of characters based on her persona, from KOS-MOS to Yuki Nagato were working for anime industry, with varying success. In short, Rei became what the capes with super awesome looking jaw; entertainment cliches. No need for Evangelion 2: The search for more money!

Right?

"Let's see...Tsundere conferences-Meh. Never get along with that witch Akane. Chill Pills for virgins-No need for that. Damn. Can't these people differs between the real people and their fictional counterpart?"

"I'm afraid that we can't, Asuka. Look at mine." Rei said as she slided her brocures to her female companion.

"Hmmm...How to live as a clone, psychologist for the newly found siblings-Recommended by Leia and Luke, how to not endure in incest-my, you guys never get a break, eh?"

"I know." The lone boy sighed, "Don't they know those cases where the damn animator and drawers can't do more than 5 faces for shit?"

This was the case. While Rei and Shinji looked similar with Yui, so does many Gainax characters like Maya Ibuki. In fact, Shinji himself was modeled after Nadia, their previous Anime. Hell, even young Gendo looked like Shinji. It's just that Anno was so obsessed to make Rei a creep that he made those crap about Yui's salvaged remains yadadada, even with the already obvious implications. Had he escaped, he may did something even worse, like changed Yui's maiden name into Ayanami. But that won't happen, right?

So, about their relations with each others? Mirror images. Not related genetically. Too bad that Yamaha already patented the idea. They could've give it to those poor background characters that now became beggars in street.

Then again, Rumiko Takahashi already done that to death, so perhaps the idea would not be potent for money for a long time.

"It's amazing on how the crowds think i am hot when i was supposed to be otherwise, and yet they managed to draw the line to make me have a blood relation with Ikaris."

"Yeah, i know. Speaking about Ikari, how did your dad going, Shinji?"

"Oh, he's good." He claimed with rather lacks of caring in his voice, "Just arrived from worst parent ever's conference with mom. Mom was still in consideration for membership, though."

"Figure. So, your mom take him back from his beggar routine?"

"Yeah, Rei." Got hungry, he began to took a bite from their sandwich lunch. "We already figured that it's already enough for him."

"Good to see your parents get back into lovey dovey. Were they...loud in bed?" Asuka said while wiggled her eyebrows.

"Uh, i would rather not know, but yes."

"Ah...you little pervert."

"No!"

"Eugh...what kind of pervert that listening to their parents 'going on' all night? Someone Oedipal?"

"Ehm."

A cough from the albino was an enough sign from her that she's not comfortable with their current subject.

"Sorry, Rei."

"Don't talk about that again."

"Well, can't help it." Asuka said to herself, "Well, anyway, Shinji. Did you go to that conference for whiny giant robot pilots?"

"No."

"Why?"

"They rubbed me the wrong way."

"Figure." Asuka sympathized, "It's rather double standard for people to call you whiny while 80% of Mecha's pilots doing those whining, anyway. Hell, i'm more annoying than you twice, and people did not complaining about me."

"What's funny is that if we're switching gender, the complains from the fans and haters would be much less abundant and significant." Shinji said as he finished his sandwich, "I mean, my whining would be much less annoying to the audience, and Rei would be your stoic badass instead. The show would be more like Gundam instead."

"Looks like i'm the only one who did not benefit from gender changing, after all."

"Yes, Asuka." Rei finally talked after went passive for minutes in their picnic. Somehow, they were lucky that they did not get spotted by the maniacs from paparazis. "They would have labelled your actions as offensively abusive instead of simply abusive."

"Double standard. Fuck PC."

"Agreed."

Just before they dwelved more into politics, their ground shaken. While Asuka screaming and demanding regarding what's going on in the place, Shinji got himself into praying position, pleading for the world to not give himself a real giant robot. He knew the law of anime protagonist-The more awesome power you can get, the more painful it will be for you. He had enough with his own whining. Meanwhile, Rei did nothing but tried to stabilize herself, which she done so with little success.

And then, the ground revealed...

"Eeehhh, what's up, Doc'?"

Bugs Bunny?

"Allright. What the hell is going on-"

She did not had the chance to finish her sentence, as Asuka and the rest of Pilot stooges were immediately dragged by Bugs Bunny into his trusty hole. As they began to get deeper, Shinji knew what would be happened with them.

"Um...are we going to play basketball?"

"Yeah."

The trio groaned. Even Rei, who thought that the movie should be done into 7 parts instead of just one game. Also, her favorite player, Barkley and Shaq did not even went to the game.

"And...why should we?"

"Well, we have Disney going to revive Ducktaels, girl, so we have the plan to revive our biggest animation in 90s. Animaniacs."

"I see." Rei spoke for her second time that day, "You Looneys knows that it's indirectly my fault that caused Animaniacs to collapse in the first place, so you decided to use our talent, right?"

"Well, that's probably right in other situation, but now, you three are the chosen one."

"Chosen one?" The three said in unison. Rei was quiter, of course.

"Yes. You three will help us to fight the renewed monstars, with talents of current NBA players."

"You mean..." Shinji gulped, "They stole the likes of LeBron, Howard etc?"

"Well, that, but luckily, we got the best to fight them now?"

"Who?"

"Kobe and Iguodala."

The trio groaned again. These two were barely elit now, so why?

"Don't worry, you three. We all know that Kobe's the next Jordan."

They groaned again.

* * *

"Raep tiem, bich."

A psychotic, poorly drawn duck (still better than the last episode of EVA) went into his...pleasuring spree. His current target was Macky.

Unknown to everyone, this duck will bring something painful to the pilots sooner or later...

* * *

Well...that's the next installment of Meta Genesis Evangelion. Pretty crappy, if you ask. But it's just for a short update. Next will have more.


End file.
